“They Told Me to Relax”: Common Phrases That Hurt During the Journey to Pregnancy

Trying to conceive is not always a simple or joyful path. For many people, it’s a journey filled with hope and excitement, but also fear, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.

Along the way, certain phrases appear often said with good intentions that can hurt more than the person saying them realizes.

This blog is not about blaming anyone. It’s about giving voice to feelings many people carry silently.

“Just relax and it will happen”

This is probably the most common—and one of the most painful—phrases.

When someone is going through medical tests, hormone treatments, pregnancy loss, or months (or years) of trying to conceive, being told to “relax” can feel dismissive.

This is not about stress alone. It is a complex medical and emotional process.

“When you stop thinking about it, you’ll get pregnant”

Although it may sound hopeful, this phrase often creates guilt.

Many people start wondering:

• “Am I thinking about this too much?”

• “Is it my fault it hasn’t happened?”

The truth is, thinking about pregnancy does not prevent it from happening.

“Why don’t you just adopt?”

Adoption is a beautiful and meaningful path, but it should never be presented as an automatic solution.

Before reaching that point, there is often grief, longing, and a deeply personal desire that deserves respect.

Every family has the right to walk their journey in their own time

“I know someone who got pregnant after giving up”

Comparisons rarely help.

Every body is different. Every diagnosis is unique. Every story moves at its own pace.

What worked for someone else does not invalidate or simplify your experience.

“You’re still young, you have plenty of time”

Time doesn’t feel the same from the outside as it does from within.

When there is a medical diagnosis, repeated failed cycles, or previous losses, this phrase can feel like fear and urgency are being ignored.

And yes, your emotions are valid, regardless of your age.

What people truly need to hear

Often, people don’t need advice, solutions, or motivational phrases.

Sometimes, all they need is:

• “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

• “I’m here to listen.”

• “You’re not alone.”

Support isn’t always about speaking. Many times, it’s about honoring someone’s silence and emotions.

A message for those trying to conceive

If any of these phrases have hurt you, you are not overreacting.

Your journey matters.Your exhaustion matters.Your desire matters.

Trying to conceive should not come with guilt or external pressure.

And if today all you need is to feel understood, remember this:

You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. And your story deserves respect.